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As My Gramma Anna Used To Say

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Diceva la Mia Nonna Anna

Healthy relationships are probably one of the most important components of our lives in a stressful world. My old Italian Gramma Anna used to tell me that "our way" was to treat our family like guests and our guests like family. Yet, it often seems that when the doors close in most homes, the family members get treated less than civil.

One of the things I remember about this dear woman was how truly kind and generous she was, and how she always found something to say to each person she encountered that left them feeling good, whole and almost healed. She had a sacred talent in giving compliments to other women, men, children, people she met in the store, family members and even public figures she didn’t like. I see now, that she was actually blessing every person in her life!

Compliments are a simple, yet powerful, relationship building tool. When we give someone a compliment, we connect honestly, directly, and kindly with another human being.

Each time we give an authentic compliment, we focus completely on the other person. We actively look for positive traits or attributes and specific examples. By doing this on a regular basis we begin to see how richly multifaceted people really are. People's positive traits jump out at us.

Receiving compliments is a basic need that doesn't get met often in our fast-paced, media-hyped, negative-slanted, technical world. I believe that it strengthens relationships and elevates them to a more sacred place and it increases self-confidence with strangers. It opens a conversation with another whenever we find something to say to them that is about them.

Our thought process shifts from looking for the worst in people to looking for the best: Being pro-active in this way spills over into our own lives. We see possibilities, not obstacles. Compliment giving is a jump-start for looking at the whole world in a positive, refreshing, stimulating, and creative way.

No matter how I felt about my place in the family, Gramma Anna helped me see choices in what I was doing and used a lot of her compliments as a way to guide me on the path I took. Her face always lit up when I came in the room and her words made me feel that my life was the most important on the face of her Earth.

The topic of compliments can be looked at and divided into a couple of main categories.

This maybe a different approach to viewing compliments. It is a matter of being sensitive to our community, of our family’s backgrounds, the regions we come from and our cultural behaviors. Again, Gramma Anna taught me that it is vital that I take responsibility to be authentic and really SEE the person I am relating to and discover what is important to them and how getting a compliment will feel to that person.

Appearance / Possessions: This includes compliments on physical attributes and features, attire (anything the person is wearing), and any other possessions (person's property). I try to notice the unusual and be sure I tell the person what I like ...is it the color of their shirt that makes their eyes more noticeable? Or perhaps the wind has blown their hair in such a way that frames their face just so in the light. Maybe I notice their jewelry and will take time to ask if there is a sweet story to such a lovely piece.

I think this is an area that a lot of us fear touching because of all the body image issues so many of us have. Prevalent feelings of looking "too much", "too little" "too wrong or whatever" make giving and receiving compliments for our appearance darned risky. Maybe compliments are just the healing way our souls seek to give us what we need for our next step in life.

Ability / Personality: Giving this compliment includes recognizing individual ability or skills, any action the person has taken, any sort of performance that was witnessed, and about specific characteristics about the person.

This area of compliments is the one I prefer most. I believe that it is vital for us to tell our children, our lovers, our friends, our boss or our co-workers something that lets them know what they do makes a difference in our world and on the Earth. I can promise, from personal experience, that such a compliment will give them the energy to do the next best, right thing.

And lest we forget, our magickal words will return to us SEVEN times in power and strength. I believe we can make a difference and we will find a way to make our thoughts and words become sacred.

That’s incredible! * HOW EXTRAORDINARY * perfect! * YOU MADE IT HAPPEN! You’ve Earned My Respect * Outstanding Performance * You are fun to be with! * You have a great way with words! * I Can’t Get Over It! * Amazing Effort * You always motivate me! * Excellent!