Around the Motherhouse Blog
If it is at Beltane that we experience our Desire, then it is a Samhain where we experience the End of Desire.
During the Beltane moments of our lives we are consumed with the raw, undeniable energy of our desire; when our lives are informed by passions so deep and so great that our entire world is swallowed up with our yearning. These moments can last a day, a week, or years. The object of our desire can be as varied as a desire for a lover, to have a baby, to save the earth, a get a new job or house, to know the Goddess, or for peace and healing. Whatever forms our desire takes; its energy is powerful and is directed outward, into the external world.
Samhain moments are those times in our lives where we come to rest. The process of desiring-creating-nurturing-sustaining-protecting ends at Samhain. We enter Samhain peaceful or full of grief depending upon where our desires led us and how our creations affected us. At Samhain, our energy turns inward. We no longer yearn to merge with the external world and we are no longer beholden to nurture, sustain, and protect our creations. At Samhain, we find respite and prepare to come to terms with the ways Desire/Creation has changed us.
Desire is a powerful force. The energy that is created by desire literally opens channels into the world that did not exist previously. Desire affects us, affects others, and affects the world. When we listen to our desires and act upon them we are engaging in an act of divine magic. We become the Creatrix when we focus the energy towards manifesting that which we desire. We solidify our role as Creatrix by nurturing and sustaining that which we have brought forth into this world. We become Amazon when we seek to protect that which we've created. And it is at Samhain when we acknowledge and accept the role of Wise Woman. It is at the holy juncture of Samhain that we step back from that which we have desired/created/sustained/protected and surrender our work into the arms of the Great Mother. We enter into the deep of our own being and we reflect on our choices and who we have become as a result of all we have experienced.
In between Beltane and Samhain (between desire and its end) is the work of creating, nurturing, sustaining and protecting. The solar holy days that recognize these phases of our life are the Summer Solstice and Lammas and the Autumn Equinox. As our creation moves through time -from Summer to Autumn ( from baby to child to adult, from honeymoon to long term marriage, from meeting the Goddess to learning to live with the Goddess, from illness to health) - our lives become more complex and richer. That which we desired and created became our responsibility to sustain. Nurturing our creations can, and often is, arduous work. The deeper the desire, the larger the act of creation, the more intense our efforts required to maintain our creation. It is during this time that we are in the Lammas moments of our life. During these moments we are called to dig in deep and pull forth all of our internal resources to maintain that which we have created.
The most difficult Lammas moments may be filled with doubts. We ask ourselves if we made the right decision to follow our particular path. We may feel like giving up, throwing in the towel. We may get distracted by a new desire, abandoning the offspring of our original desire. We either summon all of our strength to walk the path another day, or we abandon that which we've created and move on. Either way, the experience changes us. It forces us, by the sheer nature and depth of the experience, to grow, the stretch, to become more than we were.
Often, as a mother I have felt this exhaustion. I have felt as if I am suffocating under the onus of what I have created. During my Beltane moments, I desired a child with such utter force that it was helpless to resist. I was destined to be a mother, and so I created three children with the sheer power of my desire. Since manifesting this particular desire, I have spent many years as an Amazon - nurturing, protecting, and sustaining the three souls I created. It has been my life's work and I am exhausted from it. Even as I am learning to honor my exhaustion as part of the process, I am aware of new desires that arising within my soul and I wonder if I have the stamina to finish the work that started.
But no matter what our experience has been with desire, we cannot stay in a state of desiring-nurturing-sustaining-protecting forever. The Wheel must turn and at some point we must rest. We must let go of that which we created and trust that all will be well. With any luck, at the end of desire, we are able to look back at all that has happened and accept the choices we have made and feel at peace. We are able to rest, we are able to let go, we are able to pause before the next cycle of desire rises up within our souls.
Search your her-story - where are your Beltane moments? We have all had them - we have all felt a stirring deep within our soul, a calling to bring something into being. Now, follow that Beltane-moment, the experience of desire. Where did it lead you? Did your journey with desire change you in anyway? Of course it did, because desire is the first step in the process of growth and transformation. It is desire that moves us from the innocence and simplicity of the Divine Girl Child. We cannot stay in the bubble of childhood forever, and it is desire that pulls us into the Wheel and forces us to take up our role as Creatrix, Amazon, and eventually Wise Woman.
Search your her-story - where are your Samhain moments? We have all had them - we have all felt the consequences of our desires. Have you experienced the ecstasy of desire and the miracle of manifestation? Have you attained a desire only to realize that it was not what you expected? Were there any unintended consequences that you did not foresee? How have you been altered by your desires and your creations? Have you experienced conflicting desires? Do you have a deep desire that you've never been able to attain, or have been afraid to act upon? What happens when our desires aren't met? (I believe that this is the root of addiction - but that is for another blog post!)
At this turning of the Wheel, I implore you to name the Beltane moments of your life, recognize your creative acts, honor the work you have done nurturing and sustaining and protecting your creations. And a Samhain, receive the rest you so justly deserve. Lay down your sword, your pen, your needle. Take off your hat, your work gloves, your boxing gloves, your boots. Release that which you have desired, created, nurtured, sustained, protected into the world. Trust that it is good, and that all is as it should be. And rest. You have reached the end of desire. You have changed yourself and you have changed the world. For it is your Desire that led to Creation. It is your Desire the moved the Wheel. It is your Desire that ushered forth Change. And at the end of Desire, it is you who has been transformed, forever changed by your experience. You are wiser, and your lifeise more complex and vastly richer for your journey through Desire.
But for now, you must rest. You will need your rest, dear one, for desire will come again, (even if it is only the desire to feel desire). It is our nature as wimmin to usher forth the change the world needs. Desire is the means by which the world changes and the channel through which Goddess speaks to us. It is specifically the desire that lies within a wommon's heart that the world needs now.
So commit yourself to resting this Samhain. And prepare to open yourself to desire once again when the Wheel of your life turns.
--by Jenny June, goddess mother of three, who desires nothing more than see my beautiful souls grow into the amazing adults they are destined to become!